I can’t even remember when I last wrote here, but it seems it was in February.
I’m not seeing anyone but Mrs now, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Part of me misses having someone else to feel that strongly about. Another part is kinda happy I don’t have someone else to disappoint with my lack of interest in sex.
Not even sure what I want out of another relationship right now, or if any desire for one isn’t just my current mildly depressive state calling out for something and just grabbing the lowest hanging fruit. It’s easy to tug at my heart strings like that. Love motivates me like nothing else.
I’m also lonely as it is. Mrs is off to the city for the work week and I’m stuck at home with no one to visit, other than some neighbour kids I’d rather not have visit. I’ve got two dogs and a parrot here, along with our fowl outside.
Haven’t been having much success finding someone in any case, so I guess it’s moot whether or not I’d like to. In the entire time I’ve been on OKCupid only one woman has contacted me, and she was unattractive and only interested in cybersex. Of those I’ve contacted only a handful have responded, although I did have a couple of nice relationships come out of the experience. They didn’t last; too many incompatibilities.
Unfortunately, all my highest by-the-numbers matches in the area are monogamous. Is it possible I’ve got some monogamy hiding out in there somewhere? Maybe it’s that I value sex so little, while many in the poly community seem to live for it.
I’ve tried some kink out since my last post. It’s certainly interesting, and can trigger a specific kind of fascination in me, but I don’t find it all that alluring; much like sex.
What part of me is responsible for this lack of interest in sexual activity? Is it my depression? Is it just draining my interest in everything? Is it my aversion to bodily fluids? Do I just have a naturally low libido?
I’m gonna leave this here and think about these things some more. I have the time, so why not?
