“To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction” Newton.
When Newton was developing his three laws of motion, he was talking about physical laws, not emotional ones. But I think there are enough similarities in both realms to draw a comparative analysis, at least where his third law is concerned.
As I write this tonight, I am less than a day away from spending some time my love whom I haven’t seen in 7 weeks. In some ways, it feels like I just saw him yesterday, in other ways, it feels like we’ve been apart for an eternity. A piece of me has been missing and I need it back.
He and I are in a long distance relationship. I don’t like to think of it that way though, because I think for a lot of people that implies a sort of diminished level of commitment and involvement in each other’s lives. So I prefer to think of it as a relationship that is geographically challenged. Despite this particular challenge, I feel confident in saying that he and I communicate extremely effectively, and make the most out of the current technologies to keep in touch. On a day to day basis, it’s actually really not that bad. Obviously, there’s the lack of physical closeness, but when it comes to emotional support, love, communication, and commitment we are on solid ground.
So now you may be wondering what Newton has to do with any of this. I’m going to try to explain:
I decided to write this post tonight as an attempt to achieve a cathartic release. My brain is notorious for sabotaging my happy moments. I’m fairly sure it’s part of having a depressive personality. I dwell on the negative; magnify it, spin it around over and over in my mind until it starts to cast a long dark shadow over the rest of my mental landscape. I’m doing that right now and I want it to stop. I need it to stop. The excitement and elation I feel at seeing this man is one of the greatest feelings I’ve ever had the joy of knowing. I think the main reason it’s so intense is that ours is a relationship of acutely intense moments. We will never have the luxury of developing that tranquil ease that comes with being with a long term partner. Every time we see each other, it feels very vibrant and shiny and new. It’s a fresh dose of energy every time.
To every positive emotion there is always an equal and opposite emotion.
With such high peaks, it’s no wonder that the flip side can end up being so low. Those first few days after we separate are monstrously hard to get through. Until the daily routine sets in again and a bit of time has passed by to temper out the flame, the feeling of loss is fresh and painful. I wouldn’t dream of giving up the relationship for those few days of discomfort, but I am determined to find a better way of coping. I’m not willing to accept this as the status quo. As it stands, I haven’t even laid eyes on his face yet and I’m already thinking of how I’m going to feel when I watch him walk away. That’s destructive and self abusive thinking. I’m not going to allow this to continue.
If you expect me to have an answer as to how I’m going to overcome this, I’m sorry to disappoint, but I don’t. Not yet anyways. I’m willing to work on it though and I’m confident that I’ll figure out the key to self managing these negative thoughts at some point down the road. I’ll write another post when I have that epiphany. For now, I’ll have to settle for battling my inner demons and exerting a lot of energy in putting on a brave face. I’m determined to have a wonderful time with my love over the next few days, and we’re going to make the best of the time we are lucky enough to share together. Of that I have no doubt.
Have a beautiful time, dear one. And then take comfort in all of the other exciting, fantastic things going on in your life.
“geographically challenged” – I love it! It is really hard to be distanced from someone you’d rather be with full time. What I did was write (no internet back then) A LOT. Pretty much all the time, because it was the conversation we wanted to be having. And he wrote back – and he never writes letters. (His wife was astonished.)
It thrills me to read of your determination to conquer your demons. My other love is a realistic pessimist – meaning he can reason his way past trouble, but the negative is the first thing he notices and latches onto. Does that sound like you? That is how you “look” from way over here.
He married a realistic optimist (me) but now has a girlfriend who is sometimes mighty depressed. At some point I’m going to point out that his trouble with her moods is quite similar to my trouble with his moods, but I have not needed to yet. He figures things out pretty quickly, after years of training (from me and from himself.)
Which brings me to – you do seek help in dispelling your demons, yes? Stewing doesn’t really help. It is really true that a shared load is lighter and easier to bear. It also shows those you love that you trust them with ALL of you. I’m guessing you know that. I find it difficult to share stupid things, but have been rewarded just often enough with positive reinforcement that I am learning how to let go of fear of looking stupid, for the joy of better understanding.
Hi Terri,
From the sounds of it, I am very much like you realistic pessimist love, at least some of the time. I have been working, especially this past year, to work through my issues and I’m happy to report that I’m much happier on the whole than I was before. A big part of what helps me is writing. Sometimes, when I speak to people, it almost makes me feel worse. When I write, I can process my thoughts, take a step back and analyze what’s going on. It’s one of the main reasons I write this blog.
It sounds like you have great self knowledge and ability to see the bigger picture. I hope you’ve enjoyed your highs and made it through the rocky roughs okay